


Standing at the Finish Line

by dizzy



Series: Trip and Stumble [17]
Category: Glee RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 15:01:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2855048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Between the end and <i>the end</i>, it goes something like this. (Takes place before the graduation epilogue in part 16.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Standing at the Finish Line

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Luckie, Jude, and as always - Mav, my 'Darren' half.

Chris has the first freak out. 

The freak out happens once Darren’s left, because newly engaged sex is amazing but basic needs must be met and their refrigerator is sadly lacking in anything with actual nutritional value. Darren promises he’ll only be gone for a few minutes, that he’s gonna get them the best fucking engagement celebration take out ever and they can eat it in bed together. 

And then he’s out the door and gone and Chris just-

Darren _proposed to him._

Darren proposed to him and soon he’s going to leave for three months. 

Darren proposed to him and soon he’s going to leave for three months to film and star on an actual television show that will actually air on actual television. 

This is terrifying. It’s terrifying because it feels like real, adult life and Chris is in no way ready for that. He feels young down to his very core; he’s very good at getting ready to be an adult in the way that college does prepare a person, slowly piling on responsibility but with the (sometimes helpful, sometimes frustrating) guidance of a superior - without making it feel like it’s too real, but also like it isn’t nearly enough to be ready. 

Sure, they both have an apartment, but their parents help them with paying for it. Will their parents still help once they’re in California? And Chris - what will he even _do_ in California? Will he end up working at Starbucks while he dates a TV star? How embarrassing will that be? 

And student loans - Darren’s parents paid for his tuition, but Chris will have loans. How can he get married when he has loans? He’s basically sharing his debt with Darren, and Darren may not want that! Or his parents may not want that for Darren. 

Oh god - Chris bolts upright. He will have _in-laws_. Yeah, he loves Darren’s parents almost as much as he loves his own, and they seem pretty fond of him, but what if they were secretly hoping Darren would end up with a girl? What if they want grandkids and they end up hating Chris because Chris being with Darren means they probably won’t have any curly haired grandbabies running around anytime soon? 

Chris sits there, naked on their bed, fingers clenched into the rumpled blankets under him. His heart pounds and no matter how deeply he breathes, he can’t quite get enough air in his lungs. It’s a panic attack, a very mild one, not something he’s all too unfamiliar with, but it isn’t something he’s had to deal with in relation to Darren in a very long time. 

It’s all so much and he didn’t know yesterday that his life was going to change so fast. 

The cat meows outside the door. Chris ignores her for the moment, dropping down until he’s laying on the bed staring at the ceiling. 

Fuck. 

*

By the time Darren gets back, Chris has pulled himself together. He’s showered and dressed again and maybe he can’t quite shake the weird-newness of this... but some of the apprehension melts the moment Darren smiles at him and drops the bags on the counter like he can’t get back to kissing Chris fast enough.

“I love you,” Chris says, because when he looks at Darrens’ face that’s suddenly the only thought in his mind that seems to matter. 

“Well, that’s good.” Darren tugs him in closer. “Because I hear you’re gonna marry me.” 

*

Engaged sex is pretty amazing. 

It’s just… intense. The way Darren crowds in close and kisses him, the way they don’t want to get too far from each other at any point of it. 

“I’ve got an idea,” Darren whispers, and oh god does Chris love it when Darren has ideas. 

This one doesn’t disappoint. 

He fucks Chris open with his fingers and then with his cock, fuck him slow and steady until they’re both shaking and then he stops. They’re both half-crazed from being so close and jerked back away from the edge when Darren pulls out completely and rolls over, onto his back. “Now you fuck me,” he says, stubble glistening and hair plastered to his head at the temples. “But stop when you’re close. First one to come loses.”

“Oh, god.” Chris is already a little sore. This is going to kill him. He can’t wait. “What does the winner get.” 

“Mm…” Darren licks up the side of Chris’s throat, catching the sweat on his tongue. “Pick the honeymoon location?” 

The laugh bursts out of Chris. “High stakes.” 

“What other way to play?” Darren grins. 

Chris pushes Darren onto his back and folds his legs up, leaving him stretched and open. He wants to get his mouth down there, maybe later, after a shower. Darren’s whining for it now so Chris gives him just what he wants, motioning for Darren to hold his own legs up and then opening him further with two thumbs to spread the cheeks of his ass. He’s hard enough that he needs no help to push inside. His hips pump back and forth eagerly into Darren’s ass until he’s close to the edge and he backs out, just as Darren did. 

Darren groans and pushes Chris back, moving to lay behind him and push back into him. Grunting, Darren slides as far into Chris as he can. This angle doesn’t do much for depth but Darren can curl up along his back, wrap an arm tight around his chest and whisper deliciously dirty things into Chris’s ear until he’s panting as much from being turned on as exertion. 

“Fuck, close--” Darren groans. It takes even less time now than it had before. Chris nods his head eagerly; he can feel that same tingle in the base of his spine. “You should, roll,” Darren pulls back and lets Chris roll onto his back before kneeling his way back on top of him. “Always making me do all the work.” Darren huffs but Chris’s cock slides so easily right back up into Darren.

“You’re the one leaving for a life of luxury in Los Angeles.” Chris grins back at him. “Just leaving you with some good memories for when you’re staring at all those beach bodies.” 

“Like they could even compete,” Darren says. He leans down and kisses Chris, a hot slide of damp lips. “No one could.” 

Chris laughs breathlessly as Darren works himself up and down, then just rocks back and forward. It doesn’t take long for Chris to get close again and for Darren’s thighs to give out. This time though, when Darren moves Chris is quick to push him down onto the bed and crawls over to him. 

“My turn to decide.” Chris grips Darren’s hips in his hands, holding him in place as he takes Darren’s cock into his mouth and begins to swallow around his length. Darren is thick and warm and pulsing in his mouth, Chris loves it. He pulls back to tongue the slit just to hear the high-pitched keen Darren makes every time Chris does it. He tries to smirk but he has too much in his mouth. Instead he focuses back on Darren, sucking harder on his cock. 

It feels like barely seconds before Darren is slapping his hand down onto the bed beside where Chris is kneeling, fingers bunching the sheets convulsively. “Oh, fuck, okay, I’m close-” 

Chris quickly rises back up and sinks down over Darren so that when he comes he’s buried deep inside of Chris. It goes on forever it feels like and Chris has to reach down and grab his own cock to keep himself from going off at just the sight of Darren’s face so twisted and frozen in pleasure so intense it looks like he’s in pain. 

As soon as Darren’s done Chris pulls off of him and shoves his knees back up to around his shoulders, fucking in hard and fast. It barely takes five strokes before he’s groaning, skin slapping as he slams his hips flush against Darren’s ass and stays there until he’s done. 

“Oh, god,” Darren says, laughing as he comes down from it. “Shit. It’s a good thing I’m getting on a plane, because I think engaged sex would end up killing me if I stayed.” 

Chris groans and throws an arm over Darren. “Don’t talk about leaving. You’re harshing my afterglow.” 

Darren laughs and kisses Chris on the temple. “Sorry. What can I do to restore the glow-from-after-ness?” 

Chris thinks about it. “Go get me something to clean up with before your come finds its way out.” 

Darren grins. “I think yours already is.” 

“Ew!” Chris makes a face. 

“What!” Darren pokes him. “It’s yours!” 

“Yeah, but it’s only hot when I’m actually in the process of putting it in your body. Immediately afterward it becomes unhot. And by the time it reaches my sheets… ew.” 

“Ugh, fine, whiner.” Darren shoves him. “I’ll go run a bath.” 

Chris is immediately all smiles. “Love you!” 

*

“So how should we tell everyone?” Darren asks. They’re splitting a huge breakfast plate at their favorite little diner.

Chris is skipping his classes and trading off all his work shifts. 

This day is for _celebrating_. They’ve already checked parts one and two off the lists, as their mutual soreness can confirm. 

“Well, I think we need something special for our really close friends. Like, Joey? And Julia maybe? And I want to tell Ashley myself,” Chris says. 

“So them first. I’m good with that.” Darren nods. “But what about everyone else?”

“A party,” Chris says. “We should have a party.” 

“A party?” Darren sounds intrigued, but also slightly dubious. “Like a legit party?” 

“A dinner party,” Chris clarifies. 

“Wait, have you met us?” Darren asks. “I mean, I can call Julia and Lauren and make them plan something…” 

“No.” Chris shakes his head. “You and me are gonna throw a dinner party, and it’s going to be the tackiest dinner party we’ve ever had.” 

Darren leans over and kisses him, whispering “I love you so much,” in an aggressively sincere way. 

Once breakfast is finished they head straight to the cheapest dollar store they can find. They buy wine glasses that cost a dollar each and paint markers that are toxic but Darren points out that if any of their dumbass friends decide to lick the outside of the glass, it’s their own fucking fault. 

“What about these?” Chris asks, holding up a package of red plastic dixie cup goblets. 

“Fuck yeah!” Darren says, adding them in to the basket right beside the wine glasses. 

“We don’t need both,” Chris points out. 

“Uh, yeah, we do,” Darren says. He picks up the red plastic ones again, holding them in his hand. “These are just for us.” 

Chris decides not to argue. 

They blow fifty bucks on paper plates with little rainbows and unicorns on them, streamers on clearance that say “over the hill”, balloons they’ll probably get dizzy blowing up themselves later, a massive glitter and fake gemstone flower centerpiece, and a case of small bags of Cool Ranch Doritos that they write ‘party favor’ on with the neon pink paint marker. All they need is a run to the liquor store to grab four twelve-packs of Bud Lite Lime to fill their soon to be personalized glassware with and then they’re home unloading the haul. 

They do have to make one other stop to pick up the special surprise they have for Joey, to break the news to him. They figure that’ll make good post-party snacking, anyway. Multitasking. 

It takes another three hours to set up the actual party and order the pizza, hot wings, and veggie trays they’ll be serving for dinner but by then most of their friends have responded to the last minute RSVP request confirming. 

It’s a testament to the fact that these people truly know Darren (and Chris, under Darren’s influence) that no one seems that shocked by the party decor, even though they don’t actually get it at first. 

“What is this fancy shiz?” Lauren asks, circling the table. There are placemats made with printer paper and sharpies, a penis delicately drawn on each one. They’ll match the cake they made for Joey. Matching your food to your decor is good party planning, Darren had announced with authority. 

Chris sees Julia pick up her wine glass and chuckle, though she says nothing. He already knows from Darren that Julia was in on the whole proposal plan, that she even went with him to pick the engagement ring out. Chris wants to corner her later and ask her exactly how long Darren’s had that ring. Then maybe give her a hug, because Darren’s an asshole without realizing it sometimes and it probably never dawned on him that he made his ex help him pick out a ring for someone else. 

“Holy shit!” Lauren squeaks, almost dropping the wine glass that she’s actually reading now when she understands what it all means. “Are you shitting me with this?” 

Everyone else grabs their glasses. Chris and Darren have both written a message on each one. It’s a personalized note on every glass, but along the same theme: _we expect your dumb ass to be at our wedding._

*

Once the dinner with their closest friends is over, the party really begins. 

It’s Joe’s fault, really. He realizes that this might literally be their last chance to have a big blowout party for Chris and Darren. 

Darren gets on a plane in just a few days, and he won’t be back until graduation. They’ve all planned little graduation parties but so many of them will already be gone… some of them already are, but there’s no going back. 

Only forward, which means it’s now or never, and this group has never backed down from that kind of dilemma before. Chris and Darren really have little say in the matter. They sit back with their hands clasp tightly between them, in awe of the flurry of activity as people call friends, the music starts to blast, and people come pouring in. 

*

The party is a rousing success, for something put together in hours. They blow all the extra money they have on beer but their friends start a donation jar that more than makes up for every penny they’ve spent. 

It’s Meredith that hands Darren his guitar. “It’s your night, sunshine. You’ve earned it.” 

“Oh, god.” Chris laughs. “You just gave him the best engagement present ever. There’s nothing Darren loves more than a captive audience willing to sit patiently and watch him do what he loves most.” 

“Second most,” Darren says. “No one gets to watch me do what I love most. I mean, at least until I wear Chris down on that idea of filming porn. We could make a killing, I swear.” 

“I’d watch it,” Lauren says, not quite under her breath enough. 

Chris throws a napkin at her. 

“No, trust me,” Joey interrupts. “I’ve walked in on that. It’s not all it’s cut out to be.” 

Most of the girls and some of the guys all lean in in hilariously simultaneous move. “Do tell,” Corey says, pushing his glasses up his nose. 

“Oh no.” Joey shakes his head. “Not reopening those roommate war wounds. Trust me. One sight of that pasty ass jiggling up and down and you have flashbacks for years.” 

“Pasty?” Chris frowns. 

“Jiggling?” Darren’s jaw drops. 

Joe almost loses it laughing. “Dude, which one are you even talking about?” 

“Seriously, are you sure it was them? Because I was their roommate too, and I can vouch for the fact that his ass isn’t pasty-” Brian points to Darren, then to Chris. “-and his ass doesn’t jiggle.” 

“I don’t know!” Joey flails his arms. “The memories are repressed!” 

“Maybe we both need to moon him so he can figure it out,” Chris suggests. 

He and Darren both stand, getting about one button undone each before Joey locks himself in the bathroom for ten minutes. 

*

Easily a dozen people end up crashing out and sleeping over. In the morning Chris makes his way carefully down the hallway, over a sleeping freshman girl whose name he knows he’s been told a dozen times and still can’t quite remember. 

He makes his way to the bathroom to relieve his aching bladder, then back to bed. He makes it back before he realizes he probably should have brushes his teeth, too, but luckily Darren’s suitcase is still mostly unpacked by the door. He swipes the travel mouth wash and swigs it before crawling back in bed. 

Darren grunts and rolls over. 

“I think half the UMich theater department is still in our living room,” Chris says, burrowing back under the covers. Darren turns to him instinctively. 

“Awesome,” Darren mumbles against the pillow his face is smushed into. “They do the dishes?” 

“They should,” Chris says. He doesn’t look at the clock. 

If he looks at the clock he may realize it’s Sunday and he’s losing time with Darren. 

So he won’t do that. He’ll just go back to sleep, that warm hazy place where nothing exists but Darren’s arms around him and the two of them pressed together. 

*

Eventually real life intervenes, and they do pry themselves out of bed. The theater kids left actually do, more or less, clean up the entire place, mostly at Julia’s order. She may not still be a student but her legacy of being a hardass and not to be trifled with will outlive them all. 

They’re ordered to sit on the couch while two freshman cook them breakfast and make them mimosas. Julia’s not there but she texts them a saucy _you’re welcome_ that Darren doesn’t stop laughing at for five minutes. 

*

“So,” Chris says, staring at the computer screen in front of him. 

“Yep,” Darren agrees. 

They’re both nervous. It’s silly, sort of; they’re excited about this. It’s a _good_ thing, wild paranoid moments notwithstanding. 

So why is the idea of telling their parents so terrifying?” 

“Not it,” Darren blurts out. 

“What-” Chris huffs. “Not fair, I didn’t know we were playing that game.” 

“Doesn’t matter,” Darren says. “Rules of not-it still apply.” 

“I demand it be in your vows that you’ll always ceded _firsts_ or _not-it_ rights to me,” Chris says. He can’t even get the words out without smiling. 

Darren matches him with a huge grin. “Well, fine, but I’m putting it in the prenup that if we divorce all of your future firsts and not-its are mine.” 

“You drive a hard bargain, sir,” Chris says. 

“Well, you just better not divorce me, then.” Darren sticks his tongue out. “But, okay. We need to do this.” 

Chris calls his parents first quickly to make sure that they’re available, and then two minutes later they’re connecting the call. 

“Sweetie! Isn’t this a lovely surprise,” Chris’s mom says. 

She’s barely gotten those words out before Chris is taking a huge breath and then: “Darren and I are getting married.” 

There’s… silence. 

Resounding silence. 

And then his mother claps and laughs and says, “Oh, Chris! Darren! Oh,boys, isn’t this just the best surprise! Tim, isn’t this the best-” 

Chris’s father nods, smiling. There’s something about his smile that just… it makes Chris reach for Darren’s hand, makes him want that reassurance. He can’t tell exactly that it’s bad but it doesn’t read as completely good, either. 

Chris might not need his parents anymore, and he might have learned well how to find fulfillment in life without their approval… but he still wants it and the tiniest bit of fear he may not have it is enough to make his stomach twist. 

“Where’s Hannah?” Darren asks. He puts an arm around Chris and squeezes him closer. “We wanted to tell her, too.” 

“Oh, she’s asleep right now,” Chris’s mother says. “But we’ll have her call you just as soon as she gets up from her nap.” 

“Thanks,” Chris says, smiling. 

They decide there’s no point in delaying between hanging up with Chris’s parents and in calling Darren’s. It’s just late enough in the day and luck is with them enough that they’re both home, too. 

“Dad, Mama - we’re getting married,” Darren says, pride and happiness just busting out of him. 

It still doesn’t sound real to Chris. He wonders if it ever will. God, he can’t imagine how surreal it’ll be to actually be able to call Darren his husband. 

Darren’s dad laughs and says, “Well now, son. Well. That’s quite a surprise. _Well_ , now.”

Chris already knows that Darren got his ability to respond charismatically to just about anything from his father, but this proves it. His happiness for them looks absolutely genuine and effortless. 

His mother’s reaction is the same, except with a lot more tears. Darren looks so much like her with that full faced smile, and Chris is grinning ear to ear right along with all of them. 

 

“I knew it,” his mother says, waving her finger at both of them. “You two, too good to let go of each other. Smart boys, my smart boys.” 

Darren leans over and kisses Chris on the cheek. 

“Thank you,” Chris says. “You raised a wonderful boy. I’m lucky I have him.” 

The tears intensify, and then: “Now, your cousins, they’ll all want to see you get married, Darren. We’ll have to fly in some of them…” 

She starts talking about all the family that will want to attend and Chris becomes slightly terrified. 

“Oh no,” Darren whispers. “I hope you’re ready for a thousand people at this thing.” 

“Uh,” Chris whispers back. “I hope you’re ready to pay for it.” 

*

Hannah’s reaction later on when they call her back is the best. They’re prepared to do it over the phone but she’s so incensed that her parents got to video chat with Chris and Darren that she demands they do it over skype, too. 

It’s worth it. When they break the news to her she just _beams_ at them and says, “I always wanted another brother.” 

To which Chris gasps and says, “I’m not good enough?” 

And Hannah replies, “You’re good at writing stories for me but Darren does the animal voices better when he’s reading them.” 

“Well,” Chris says. “I guess I can’t argue there. He does the best animal voices for sure.” 

“You should be a voice in a movie,” Hannah says to Darren, as if it’s just that simple. 

“Oh, man, I should!” Darren’s enthusiasm almost outmatches Hannah’s. “What do you think, Chris? Could we both be cartoon voices?” 

Hannah’s eyes are huge with the possibilities. “Princes! You can both be princes!” 

“Well, maybe if you be the princess…” Darren says. “Would that be okay? If there was a story where two princes get together at the end, and you’re the princess?” 

“Yes!” Hannah launches into explaining a story she’s making up on the spot, with Darren throwing in commentary and suggestions along the way. 

Chris sits back and smiles and listens.

*

That night Chris gets an email from his father. 

_Chris,_ it reads. _Your mom and I are proud of you. You’ve always had a good head on your shoulders and that’s no different now than it was when you were a child. You’ve never acted like you needed our help, but it doesn’t matter if you’re ten years old or fifty, we want you to know that we’re here for you and Darren both._

He doesn’t show the email to Darren. It doesn’t say anything he didn’t know, or at least he tells himself that - but it does somehow quiet a little voice of doubt and questioning that he’s never quite managed to shake. The sense that maybe his parents _weren’t_ actually happy with the son they got, and maybe they just acted like it because they weren’t cruel enough to say how disappointed they really are. 

The email feels real, though, the words somehow concreting the sentiment. Maybe it’s because it’s something he can look back on, or maybe it’s because it comes from his dad - his dad, who is just as bad at speaking as Chris himself is sometimes. 

So yeah, he’ll keep this to himself for a while. It’s not that Darren would make fun of him, it’s just - Chris needs to hold onto it until he can read it without blinking away tears, until the reaction isn’t so new. Then he’ll let Darren see. 

*

Darren’s freak out comes three days after the proposal, before he’s supposed to get on a plane to fly back to Los Angeles. 

Chris gets a call from Joey as he’s leaving a late shift at the library. “Uh, dude. Your boy is like… wasted.” 

“What?” Chris asks. “I didn’t know he was going out.” 

Chris is actually a little annoyed. Darren’s leaving the _next day_ , and Chris will be in class for most of the morning. They’ll only have time for lunch before he drops Darren off, and then Chris won’t see Darren again until graduation. 

Being engaged is a reassurance, but three months is still a very long time. 

“Yeah, um…” Joey trails off. “Just get down here, okay? I think he’ll be cool once he sees you.”

Chris gets the name of the bar from Joey and hops on a bus there. He hopes Darren has his car with him, at least. 

It’s not beyond the realm of normality for Darren to get drunk, but wasted on a Thursday night isn’t an indulgence they’ve had time for in a while. Usually those sorts of things are planned and scheduled amongst the growing professional and social lives of their friends now. Considering they already overindulged at their last minute engagement party, yeah, it’s weird.

It only takes about twenty minutes to get there. Chris is glad it’s warming up out, glad the rain is holding off. It’ll be pouring by the next night according to the weather report. 

Perfect, Chris thinks bitterly. He’ll get to sit alone in the rain after saying goodbye at the airport. 

He’s actually worked himself up to angry by the time he finds Darren, but it dissipates almost instantly when he actually _sees_ Darren. He’s at a table with Joey and Brian and Walker and a couple other guys, obviously drunk and visibly upset. 

Brian is on the outside of the circle booth and manages to slide out and around to Chris before Darren even notices that he is there. 

“So, first of all, he’s an idiot, and second of all he told everyone he just proposed to his boyfriend so he got like seventeen free shots and now he’s wasted, and third he’s somehow convinced that in the next three months you’ll decide you don’t really want to go to Los Angeles and leave him or he’ll have to pick between you and a career - spoiler alert, he’s said like a million times he’d pick you.” 

“First of all, yeah he is, and second of all, I hope you’re exaggerating with the seventeen-” 

“Eh-” Brian waves his hand back and forth. “It’s upwards of seven, which we know is his limit.” 

Chris cringes. “Right. And third-” 

“-is a conversation you should have with him.” Brian steps aside and shouts, “Darren!” 

“Chris!” Darren spots Chris and somehow he manages to light up and crumble in corresponding instants. “Chris…”

Everyone parts to let Darren out. “Hey, honey.” Chris pulls Darren into a hug before he does anything else. 

Darren doesn’t want to let him go. “They bought me drinks, babe.” 

“I heard.” Chris pets Darren’s hair, curls slightly sweaty at the scalp. “You want to go home?” 

“With you?” Darren asks, and the way he looks at Chris like he’s not sure of the answer breaks Chris’s heart for reasons he can’t even really place. 

“Of course.” He pulls Darren back in for a tighter hug. Darren sighs into it, his own arms squeezing into Chris. 

*

They find Darren’s car, and then Chris helps Darren find the keys that are in his pocket. 

Darren doesn’t talk much on the ride back. Chris doesn’t make him. Darren is a man of words, many and beautiful words often at his ready, but sometimes they just aren’t there and Chris will never make him force it. It’s a kindness returned, a favor Darren does for Chris so often. 

It isn’t until they’re tucked into bed that Darren begins to let out what’s in his mind. 

“Leaving tomorrow feels like it’s gonna be so bad. Like worse than before. I thought this whole getting married thing would make it easier, not harder. But now it just feels like if something gets fucked up so much more is on the line. Like the ring isn’t supposed to change how I feel about you or how we feel about being together, but I think it kind of does? Announcing it to everyone changes shit, too. Like yesterday - that facebook thing, that was big. Fucking three hundred likes or something, it’s just - three hundred people randomly going about their day stopped to respond to the fact that you and I were telling the world we want to call each other husband. That’s symbolic of such a big thing, and I’m not even talking politically, but just me and you being us for the rest of our lives? It’s pressure and it’s like, a million times more than stage fright, because the stage is our _lives_. I don’t want to fuck up and I don’t want to fuck you up or have you regret stuff you might have wanted for your life just because you’re making a promise to me right now and even though being married is forever it just made it feel more fleeting to me because life is short and am I worth what you’re giving me?” 

Insecurity has never been a thing Chris has known Darren to struggle with, but the volume of it naked and aching in what Darren says to him now shows Chris a whole new side of this person that five minutes ago he’d have sworn he already knew through and through. 

He’s opened up so much to Chris right now and Chris will reassure him in any way possible, with as many words as Darren needs - but tomorrow, when Darren is sober and more himself. For now, Chris leans in and kisses Darren and says, “You are worth _everything_.” 

*

“This is the fucking worst.” Darren sniffles, eyes red and face shoved into Chris’s shoulder. 

Chris is just as pathetic. He skipped his morning classes to nurse Darren’s hangover and have that long talk about them together. They’re wearing each other’s hoodies, and Darren is in Chris’s pajama pants. They’re too long on him but to quote Darren: his level of give-a-fuck was low. 

It was a good talk. Nothing they hadn’t said before, and probably nothing they won’t need to say again until they’re in the same place. But still good to say again.

They’ve agreed that there are some very adult issues that they need to work out, but also that maybe those adult issues can wait while they enjoy the last few days with each other until Chris moves to Los Angeles. 

Besides, as Chris had pointed out that morning amidst various mid-blowjob grunts and curses, important discussions that had to take place might ground them while they were apart. 

“Italy was longer,” Chris says to Darren. 

“Right,” Darren agrees. They share a look, but then Darren smiles. “Maybe we can go there on our honeymoon.” 

“First of all, I believe I won rights to honeymoon planning…” Chris lifts an eyebrow, waiting for Darren to remember.

When he does, the laugh is a loud bark. “Would you be open to a rematch?” 

“I might be coerced....” Chris says. “But I’d just win that, too.” 

“Oh, so sure of yourself.” 

 

“But, even so, Itally…” Chris smiles. “I’d like that. Are we even allowed to plan the honeymoon before the wedding?” 

“Uh.” Darren shrugs. “What else is there to planning a wedding?” 

“Cake.” 

Darren’s face lights up. “Cake!” 

“What else?” Chris asks. 

“Boring shit?” 

“Do you think we can pay someone else to do that?” Chris asks hopefully. 

“If they’ll accept payment in our love and gratitude, or maybe free porn,” Darren says. 

“I feel like we can find someone, somewhere willing to meet those terms. So we’re agreed: we plan cake, forget the boring shit, then: honeymoon?” Chris asks. 

“It’s a plan,” Darren promises. Another kiss, another quiet moment as the momentary giddiness ebbs back into awareness that Darren needs to leave in just a minute. “I’ll bug you so much you won’t even know I’m gone.” 

“You’ll text me pictures of all the apartments you look at?” 

“Yeah,” Darren says. “And I’ll text you pictures of my dick all the time.” 

“I’ll have classes to keep me busy.” Chris is trying to reassure himself now. 

Darren nods. “I’ll be filming, shit, _fuck_ , Chris, I’ll be _on a fucking set_ , fucking _filming._ ” 

They both laugh together, foreheads touching. “Not if you don’t go get on that plane,” Chris says. 

Darren pulls back. The security line isn’t that long, but boarding starts in half an hour. He’s pushing it. 

They still don’t let go. They can’t. 

Chris is the one that takes the first step back. “Call me from your layover.” 

“Before we even deplane,” Darren promises. 

“Is deplane even a word?” 

“I don’t know,” Darren says. “Look it up and let me know when I call.” 

Chris reaches out and holds Darren’s hand. “I have something for you.” 

He’d already decided this was a dumb idea, but now that Darren’s actually about to walk away he suddenly changes his mind. 

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a box, then drops his his knees. 

Darren looks on, disbelieving. “What the fuck?” 

Chris opens it up. 

Inside is a University of Michigan keyring. It’s black and round with the college M on it, and a bottle opener toward the bottom. 

Darren laughs and says again, “ _What the fuck?_ ” 

Chris is laughing too. “I didn’t have time to get you an actual ring yet, okay? I got this five minutes ago when you went to the bathroom.” 

“You bought me an engagement keyring.” Darren takes it, staring at it with a look that probably rivals his level of excitement had it been an actual ring. “You got me an engagement keyring while I was taking a dump.” 

“We can leave that part out of the press release, okay?” Chris says, standing again. “But we are getting you a ring. This is just a placeholder.” 

Darren grabs Chris, then stops and looks around. “Shit. Come here.” 

He pulls Chris to a slightly more private alcove, then pushes him against the wall for a kiss a little less acceptable for a general and potentially homophobic audience. “I love it. I love you.” 

“I know. I love you, too.” Another kiss, gentler, longer. Then, “Go, okay? Go, before I seriously don’t let you.” 

Darren nods and takes a step back, drawing in a shaky breath. “Yeah. Going. Now.” 

He looks Chris up and down like he’s trying to memorize exactly how Chris looks, then he turns around. Chris knows if he sticks around to watch he’ll just feel worse, so he walks in the opposite direction. 

He’s sad, missing Darren already, but there’s also a lightness to his step as he emerges from the airport and looks at the sky above him. No rain yet - maybe it’ll be an okay day after all. 

* 

Chris is glad he hasn’t had time yet to sit and think about all the holes in his life that Darren being gone would leave gaping and unfilled. Yeah, they can talk, and they do. They’re on the phone a few times a day, through text message almost constantly at first. But then Darren is on set and Chris is in classes and working and sometimes those messages go unanswered for a few hours, sometimes half a day. 

He thinks he’ll have his friends to distract him, but he looks around suddenly and realizes… most of them are moving on, too. Ashley’s headed back to Texas to stay with her parents while she tries to figure out her own next move is. Julia takes off for New York. Lauren and a few of the others are thinking of Chicago. They have had a good run with their theater shows, especially after the Harry Potter one, and they think they have a better shot of making something of it there. 

They’re not all gone just yet, though. Chris meets Joey for lunch once or twice a week. Joey’s hanging around until his lease is up and then - partly inspired by Chris and Darren - he is planning on moving to Los Angeles. Chris finds himself intensely grateful to have someone there that can make him stay excited for it. 

“Brian’s wearing down. I can tell. I’ll get him there eventually. Plus,” Joey says, shoving a fry into his mouth. “It’ll be good, because planning Darren’s bachelor party would be a pain in the ass from Michigan or Chicago.” 

“Bachelor party?” Chris hadn’t even thought of that. 

“Oh, yeah.” Joey waves a hand dismissively at him. “Don’t worry about a thing, though. Lolo and I have plans.” 

“Lo - wait, what is Lauren planning?” Chris begins to get concerned. 

“Nope.” Joey grins. “Total secret. But she’s handling most of yours, and I’m handling most of Darren’s. There’s some crossover, though.” 

“Oh my god.” Chris groans. “We’re gonna get arrested, aren’t we?” 

“Well, I mean, I won’t completely rule that out, but it’s not like a goal or anything,” Joey says. 

“You are not helpful.” Chris points his fork at him. “Are there gonna be strippers?” 

“Spoilers, my dear boy, _spoilers_ ,” Joey says. “But we haven’t actually planned that far, anyway. You guys have to set a date first.” 

*

“Apparently we have to set a date before we get strippers,” Chris tells Darren a couple nights later, the first time they have a chance to video chat. It’s just past midnight for Darren but he has a later call the next morning, and Chris wouldn’t be going to sleep for a couple more hours at least anyway. 

They’re watching a movie together, cued up and started at the same time. With the same familiar movie commentary being made, and Darren’s laugh so close to him… if Chris closes his eyes it’s almost like Darren is there, except for the faint feedback of the video on the other end of the line. 

“What?” Darren sounds outraged, just on principle. “Wait, do we want strippers?” 

“Apparently Joey and Lauren think we do,” Chris says. “At our bachelor parties?”

“Who decided they were in charge?” Darren asks. “I don’t remember agreeing to that.” 

“I have no idea,” Chris admits. “But do we need to set a date?” 

 

They keep gleefully referencing what being married to each other will be like, but they haven’t actually talked about the wedding itself all that much. “I guess?” Darren asks. “Or… I don’t know. Maybe we should figure out other stuff first. Like, where?” 

“California would be cheapest for our families,” Chris says. “But most of our friends wouldn’t be able to fly out.” 

“My parents might chip in for that,” Darren says. “I mean… I can ask for that to be our wedding gift.” 

“That would be amazing,” Chris says. “I don’t want a big wedding, but our friends deserve to be there.” 

“They ones that were with us this entire crazy college experience? Yeah.” Darren sounds like he’s smiling. Chris loves that sound. He loves that _smile_. 

“I think I’ll ask Hannah to be my best man,” Chris says. 

“She’ll rock a tux. I guess I’ll have Chuck. I mean, he’s my brother. And I don’t think I could pick between my friends.” Darren yawns that way that makes his jaw crack. 

“So. That’s settled.” Chris smiles. “We’ll get married in… San Francisco? It’d be nicer there.” 

“Especially for the bachelor parties. I mean no offense, but Clovis…” 

“You don’t have to sell me on it,” Chris says. “We can look for places in San Francisco.” 

Chris smiles at Darren, whose is smiling write back with the same kind of excitement on his face. 

 

*

 

Chris gets a shock one day when he answers his phone to a video call from Darren and sees Hannah’s face smiling back at him. 

“Oh my God!” He says, laughing. “What is going on?” 

“I had a doctor’s visit,” Hannah says. “And I get to stay with Darren!” 

Darren has his arm around Hannah. “Your folks just ran to pick up some food. Your mom called me this morning and said they drove down for the day and, uh… free meal.” 

“Of course,” Chris says, because yeah. Parents. Free meals. He’s also a fan. 

What he’s not a fan of is the fact that all the people he loves most are in one room without him. He talks to them for a few minutes and he thinks Darren can probably tell that, because an hour later after everyone has left he calls Chris back. 

“That was okay, right?” He asks Chris. 

“Of course! Of course,” Chris insists. “I miss you all, and that part was rough, but it’s kind of nice seeing you with my family…” 

“Well,” Darren says. “Soon I’m actually gonna be family, right?” 

Suddenly Chris doesn’t feel quite so down about it anymore. 

*

Sometimes it isn’t as easy as just settling in to chat, though. 

Darren’s written into a couple more scripts in an effort to try new things and save the show despite it’s flagging ratings. His call times are odd and sometimes leave them unable to actually talk at all, and it’s a frustration to Chris but he’s hesitant to complain. 

Part of him still feels less than, like he’s at a disadvantage because he’s still a lowly student and not a working professional. He knows it’s dumb and he knows if he told Darren that, Darren would tell him it was dumb, but he’s struggled his whole life with feeling inadequate because he wasn’t accepted by his peers. 

It’s weird how things like that just stick with you whether you want them to or not. It’s just like with his dad. He wonders if he’ll ever stop completely doubting himself, and then he realizes he’s judging himself from other people’s perspectives… when those people themselves aren’t judging him at all. 

His dad is proud of him. 

_Darren_ is proud of him. 

He just has to work twice as hard to give himself reasons to be proud of himself. 

And that’s exactly what he does. 

The last month, he channels all of his free time into writing. He writes during all those long hours when he and Darren would just be talking, sharing space and eating together. He writes on the weekends when he’s waiting on his laundry to finish. He writes when insomnia gets the better of him. 

He writes the fears he has about his own future, and he makes sure to make the story about no one but his own character. He writes a story of hope and inspiration and fucking up and relying on other people and learning how to care. He writes about someone who has no support system because it reminds him how wonderful the one he has actually is. 

He writes a sad story about a boy who almost learns how to be happy. 

Two weeks before graduation, he takes the draft he has so far - eighty thousands words spun out over a matter of a month - to one of his advisors. 

*

He doesn’t tell Darren what he’s doing until he’s already dropped it off. The reaction he gets isn’t quite what he’d expected.

“You could have let me read it…” Darren says, sounding slightly confused and a little hurt. They’re just on the phone so Chris doesn’t have the luxury of seeing his expression, but he’s fairly in tune with Darren’s mood through his tone. “I wouldn’t have minded.” 

Chris isn’t sure how to explain why he hadn’t without hurting Darren more. “You’re so busy,” he tries. 

“I’d have made time for you!” Darren insists. “Did you really think I wouldn’t?” 

Chris feels bad immediately for trying to almost pass the blame, to make Darren feel like it was his own fault. It’s not, and Chris knows it. He knows if he’d asked Darren to read his book, Darren would have. “I knew what you’d say if I let you read it. You’re biased. I know you’ll love whatever I do, just because I’m the one that did it. I do want you to read it and what you think means a lot to me, but I needed someone besides you to read it first. I needed someone that…” 

“Isn’t biased,” Darren finishes. “I guess that makes sense.” 

But he still isn’t happy about it. 

 

“I promise you can read it,” Chris says softly. “I’ll send it to you tonight, as soon as I’m back on my computer at home.” 

“Yeah…” Darren’s voice has gone distant, which is always a bad sign. “Yeah, look, I gotta go. Love you.” 

“Love you, too,” Chris says. 

*

The thing is, as far as fights go, it’s not like it’s a bad one. They’re not even really _fighting_. 

It drags on for a complete week, and what makes it worse for Chris is that he doesn’t just have the guilt of having offended Darren… he has anxiety, too. Because he did keep to his word and send Darren the draft that night, and Darren hasn’t said a word back about it. 

Passive-aggressive isn’t normally Darren’s style, but avoidance? It totally is. Chris is pretty sure Darren hasn’t read it because Darren is just trying to ignore all the bad things he’s feeling. Reading it would be a reminder that he’s hurt and maybe a little mad at Chris. 

Darren doesn’t do being mad at people well. Sometimes Chris has to needle it out of him, do things to purposely get on his nerves just so Darren gets it out of his system and they can move on. 

But the fact that they can’t just spend a few hours sniping at each other and then get over it makes it feel like so much more than it is. 

Chris remembers Italy but he remembers that they had both been so hyper aware of their relationship, that they’d both considered it the fragile thing it was in the aftermath of their temporary break up the semester before that. 

Maybe, Chris thinks, he should have been like that this time.

He waits until Darren answers his call and says, “Your opinion is really important to me.” 

There’s nothing but silence from Darren for a few beats and then, “I know. I’ll read it tonight, okay?”

“Okay,” Chris says. 

“So.” Darren pauses again, like he’s debating something, then asks, “What did your professor think?” 

“Oh. Well. I haven’t heard back.” Chris laughs, slightly bitter. “I don’t think I’m going to. He probably dropped it straight into the trash.”

“What?” Darren responds to that like a spark. “He’s an idiot if he did, you’re a fucking amazing writer, okay?” 

The fight (not-fight) is basically over after that. 

*

Graduation parties. 

There are so many of them. 

Chris remembers this before, with Darren. He definitely remembers all the parties, but he remembers them just… better. He really hasn’t accounted for how much Darren stabilizes him in social situations. He feels completely lost and afloat, growing more and more uncomfortable with every passing insistent text and demand that he drop by. 

Darren took the pressure off of Chris. Darren was so inherently a people person that he just zapped all the attention away from Chris. Darren had everyone else’s attention, but Chris still had Darren’s, and that meant that between the two of them they could have a pretty fantastic time out. 

There’s just nothing fantastic about any of this to Chris. He’s too worried about finals, too worried about graduation, about moving, about what Los Angeles will be like. 

“You’re too focused on the future, man,” Joey says, frowning at him. “Come on. You gotta live in right now for a minute.” 

Darren was always that for Chris, too. He was the connection to _right now_ and kept Chris pulled into the moment. 

Without Darren, Chris is so much more likely to just beg off and go back to his apartment alone… and he’s fine with that. 

He’s really, really fine with that. He feels absolutely recharged after a night in with the cat and absolutely no one else. It’s not like he’s cut off from being social; he’s got a phone and a computer, he’s almost always still talking to someone, or multiple someones. But there’s just something about being alone that lets him breathe a little easier. 

It’s maybe even easier than living with Darren, but missing Darren still outweighs any of the appeal of solitary life, so that doesn’t matter much anyway. 

“I think living by myself for a few months is actually a good thing,” he comments to Darren one night. “I’ve never done it before, and with any luck I’ll never do it again-” 

 

“Uh, damn straight.” 

“But I still like knowing that I can,” Chris finishes. 

“That makes sense. I mean… I’d go crazy living alone,” Darren admits. “But I’m not surprised you dig it.” 

“Still miss you, though,” Chris says, sighing. It’s really, really true. He hates looking over at the empty spot in the bed beside him. 

*

The week before finals, Chris gets a note attached to one of his returned assignments. It’s from the professor he’d given his book to. 

The professor wants to meet with him. 

His stomach is in knots as he walks up to the door. 

Twenty minutes later, he walks back out with his stomach in a completely different state. His fingers are shaking as he calls Darren, hoping desperately that Darren isn’t in the middle of something. 

“Amazing timing,” Darren says as soon as he answers the phone. “You totally caught me on my lunch break. I am about to massacre that kraft services table. Like, it will not even know what hit it when I get my hands on those gummy bears-”

“He wants to submit my book to a publisher!” Chris says, breathless and not even registering any of what Darren was saying. 

“Holy shit!” Darren shouts. “What?” 

“I mean, not right away,” Chris says. “Like, he’s got a ton of notes - it’s practically bleeding from the red - but he says once I make those corrections and maybe add some more substance to it, he actually thinks I could have a shot.” 

“Chris, oh my god, that’s amazing!” Darren’s voice is still loud. Chris would almost be embarrassed except right now he’s not capable of feeling anything but excitement. 

“He asked me about my future plans, and he said he knows some people in Los Angeles he could put me in touch with about potential jobs or internships. Publishers, mostly, but maybe even some authors, and…” 

“You’re gonna be a writer,” Darren says, proudly. 

“Well, I’m already a writer, but I might end up published eventually. He said it wasn’t a guarantee that I was going to get a job with any kind of reliable income, or that I’d even make any money at all even if I do get published…” 

Darren continues undisturbed by reality. “I’m gonna marry a kick ass world famous writer.” 

Chris laughs. “Okay, none of those adjectives actually apply, but thank you, sweetie. Now go eat! I hear some gummy bears are in for it.” 

“I’ll call you when we wrap for the day?” Darren says. 

“You better. Love you!” 

“Love you too,” Darren says. “Future fucking WRITER!” 

*

“I swear to god, if this is some kind of secret party-” Chris threatens Joe. 

Joe just laughs it off. To be fair, it’s not like Chris could actually hurt him anyway. Chris might be striving to add a little muscle to his gangly limbs, but he’s not quite on the big boy level yet. 

“Calm down, Colfer. I got your back, “ Joe says. “You’ll be just fine.” 

Then he has to check his GPS and call someone for directions. 

“Not reassuring,” Chris chimes in from the back seat. 

 

It’s definitely a party, Chris thinks. 

They’d talked about a big send off for all the people departing for cities far and wide, but Chris had bowed out. He’s finals starting the next day and all he’s done for a week is study, and then after finals only the briefest window of time in which to pack the entire apartment and sell their furniture before graduation. 

The day after graduation, they leave together.

Chris is so ready for that day. He doesn’t want to leave what Michigan has been for him for the past four years, but being without Darren… being _here_ without Darren while Darren gets a head start on their life _there_... 

It hurts more and more each day. 

He knows he’s been in a funk lately, and he’s sorry he can’t stop and appreciate his last days with some of these people, but a party is the last thing he feels like doing. 

Which is why this is definitely a party. Because that’s about how Chris’s week is going. 

He slumps further into his gloom in the back seat of someone’s else car that he was manhandled into. 

Except then they turn a corner and then… 

Then he’s throwing the door of the car open and quickly getting his seatbelt off, because he sees exactly what the surprise is. 

It’s not a party. Or maybe it is, but Chris suddenly doesn’t give a fuck because there is _Darren_. He’s grinning and leaning against the wall. He holds his arms open as Chris shoots straight for him and practically throws himself the last couple of feet. 

“What are you doing here?” Chris asks. He’d feel bad about how shamelessly he’s clinging, but considering Darren is holding him back even harder he can’t bring himself to. 

Everyone else wanders inside the bowling alley, where Chris assumes a party actually is taking place. “I missed you,” Darren says with a huge smile. “Can’t I miss you?” 

“Jerk.” Chris leans in and kisses him quickly. “You aren’t supposed to be here for another week!” 

“I realized I was kind of being a colossal asshole making you deal with all the packing and stuff all by yourself-” 

“You were not!” Chris immediately tries to defend Darren from himself. 

“And, besides.” Darren waits for Chris to quiet down. “I missed you, okay? I want to be here.” 

“You shouldn’t have,” Chris says anyway, then adds: “But I’m really glad you did.” 

*

Chris and Darren really do spend most of the week packing. Some stuff ends up going to classmates and friends but most gets boxed or sold. They list all the furniture they aren’t taking with them (which is most of it) online and have to deal with a constant stream of people in and out to look at it. 

They do steal a few to themselves for one specific purpose, though. 

They buy a ring for Darren. Neither of them have all that much money to put toward one but Chris doesn’t feel the least bit sorry about trading what would easily amount to a month’s worth of his wages from his school jobs. 

Darren lets him know one thing for sure. “I’m still keeping the keyring.” 

He holds up his keys as if to demonstrate. 

“I’d be hurt if you didn’t,” Chris says. 

The ring takes a couple days to be fitted. It’s the day before graduation when they get back around to the shop to pick it up. 

Chris gets a tingle in his gut when he watches Darren slide it on his finger. “My turn next time,” he says. 

“Only if I can do you,” Darren says. 

The blonde behind the counter is trying not to snicker. 

It’s a testament to Chris’s good mood that he doesn’t even get the least bit jealous when Darren winks at her before they walk out. 

*

“Nervous?” Darren asks. 

“I feel too ridiculous to be nervous. I hated the robes at my high school graduation, and I hate the robes now.” Chris plucks at the billowy fabric. 

“Well, you make it look sexy, babe,” Darren says. 

He’s wearing a Michigan t-shirt and jeans, hair a riot. He doesn’t have to be at the school for the graduation for a few more hours. He’s already told Chris he’ll probably go meet Chris’s parents first, just to make sure they all get to sit together. “This is going to be purgatory,” Chris says. 

“Yeah, but you know what comes after that, right?” Darren says. 

“What?” Chris asks. 

Darren reaches for his hand, their rinks clinking. “Happily ever after.” 

“The end?” 

“The end.” Darren pauses. “And then sex.”


End file.
